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Larry's near death experience!!!

I've been in the same spot for hours. I think it's still Sunday. I haven't eaten since this morning. I don’t have my phone. If I did I would dial 911 because this is an emergency. I have this overwhelming urge to throw up but I’m trying my hardest to keep it together. The hallucinations have stopped but I don’t know for how long. They could come back at any minute. Sweat is burning my eyes. I try to wipe my forehead but I’m sweating profusely. I don’t know if I’m going to make it out of here alive. The only thing I can do--is pray.

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IF JESUS HATES GAYS

Apologies if we offend anyone, but we're a gang (it's in the name), so what did you expect? Jesus hates gays is a pretty popular idea. Just google it. It will autocomplete and even give you similar suggestions. Whether you believe in God or not, we are pretty screwed if two dudes loving each other is what he is spending his time worrying about. Maybe that's what he did on the seventh day when he was resting?

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LARRY'S DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO FIND A DATE...

I’m just going to cut to the chase. I’ve been single for twelve years, ok. Yes, I’m serious, stop laughing. My last girlfriend was in high school. We never went out on a date. I don’t count field trips or the times I took her to subway and she didn’t want me to buy her any cookies. 12 years ago in March, we broke up. I was going to college and back in them days, we didn’t have cell phones or cars. Actually, we had cars but I didn’t have one at the time. Anyway, I’m rambling. Long story short, March is my twelve year anniversary of being a single man. Guess what? Being single sucks.

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