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TOP 10 ATTRIBUTES EVERY WINGMAN SHOULD HAVE

1. Selflessness – The #1 attribute of a great WingMan is remembering, it’s not about you. Don’t be selfish. Don’t try and steal your boy’s shine. You signed up for this. Don’t walk the walk, if you can’t talk to the unattractive friend.
2. Charm – Charm the Hello Kitty panties right off these women. Don’t worry. This can be done, even if you’re not the most attractive person on the short bus. A good sense of humor works 100% 60% of the time. Make them love you.

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GOD, TEBOW SPLIT AMIDST INFIDELITY RUMORS... BRADY TO BLAME

A week after losing to the Patriots, sources have confirmed Tim Tebow and God are no longer a couple. Apparently Tom Brady had more to offer the big man upstairs, as Gisele Bundchen was seen slipping Candice Swanepoel's number to him in the owner's box before the game. Apparently a wife with Victoria's Secret model friends trumps prayer when it comes to football. Tebow was seen entering church early this morning in an attempt at reconciliation, but God was rumored to be in St. Barths with Swanepoel at the time.

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HAYWIRE: SOMEONE FORGET TO TELL THE DIRECTOR HE'S MAKING AN ACTION MOVIE

Naturally you would assume casting Gina Carano, MMA fighter and former American Gladiator, as the lead in your movie, it would be a fairly fast paced action movie with a lot of action. Sadly, after the first fifteen minutes you will be wishing you had gotten the large soda to help you stay awake. Soderbergh gives the film about as much action as Drive with about a tenth of the artistic ability.

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MY LITTLE PONY IS STILL COOL!

There are probably some hardcore My Little Pony collectors pulling their hair out seeing someone defile their precious little ponies, but what better to do with your old collection if you've got a paint brush and nothing to do with your time? I'm surprised Hasbro and Marvel haven't jumped on this. According to the artist's website, Stan Lee has one. So, what's the hold up?
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Dave T's Pros and Cons of Stuff Everyone Has: Mistakes

Installing the track for the drawer of your IKEA desk backwards so that the drawer opens in toward the wall and not out toward you.

Picking up a prostitute that you thought was a woman but turned out to be a tranny.

Picking up a prostitute that you thought was a tranny but turned out to be a regular old boring chick.

Removing a patient's right leg during surgery when it was actually the left leg that needed amputating.

Joining the Church of Scientology.

Giving Dr. Phil a TV show.

These are MISTAKES.

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Dave T's Pros and Cons of Stuff Everyone Has: Laws

Thou shalt not kill.

Don’t drink and drive.

He who smelt it dealt it.

These are all LAWS.

Don’t know what they are?

Laws are rules and customs that society agrees to abide by for the common good.

You might be saying, “But, Dave T, I live in a post-apocalyptic anarchic society where there are no rules.”

To you I say, “When you jump in the air, do you land again?”

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Dave T's Pros and Cons of Stuff Everyone Has: Butts

Your hiney.

Your bum.

Your tushbottom.

Your rump shaker.

Your moneymaker.

Your ass.

Your posterior.

Your behind.

Your fanny.

Your derriere.

Your hindquarters.

Your keister.

Your upside-down back boobs.

These are all words for your BUTTS.

Don’t know what they are?

Butts are those fleshy mounds on your back under your spine but above your legs.

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Dave T's Pros and Cons of Stuff Everyone Has: Sexes

Male.

Female.

Shemale.

Hermaphrodite.

Asexual being with a smooth Ken-Doll-nub for a crotch.

These are SEXES.

Don’t know what they are?

Sexes are determined by your crotch. If your crotch is a sticky-out pen-shaped thing, you’re a male. If it’s a floral-themed cave area, you’re a female. If you have a pen but boobies, you’re a shemale. If you have a pen with a cave under it, you’re a hermaphrodite.

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