Dave T's Pros and Cons of Stuff Everyone Has: Sexes





Asexual being with a smooth Ken-Doll-nub for a crotch.

These are SEXES.

Don’t know what they are?

Sexes are determined by your crotch. If your crotch is a sticky-out pen-shaped thing, you’re a male. If it’s a floral-themed cave area, you’re a female. If you have a pen but boobies, you’re a shemale. If you have a pen with a cave under it, you’re a hermaphrodite.

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Dave T's Pros and Cons of Stuff Everyone Has: Lies

The check is in the mail.

Don’t call us, we’ll call you.

I swear this is the first time this has ever happened to me.

Those pants make you look way skinny.

How old am I?... 27.

Of course I’m a virgin.

I did not… have… sexual… relations with that woman.
(That’s for you, Republicans!)

Everything G.W. ever said.
(That’s for you, Democrats, Independents, Green Party members, Whigs, and the like!)

That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
(That’s for you, paranoid conspiracy theorists!)

Oswald acted alone.

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Dave T's Pros and Cons of Stuff Everyone Has: Sleeps

At the end of a long day, you come home. You watch some TV, maybe read a book. Or work on your ship in a bottle. Or cut letters out of a magazine to make a ransom note.

Then you get into your pajamas, or just a T-shirt and undies, or just nakedness, and you get into bed. You shut the light. You close your eyes. You drift away.

You wake up in the morning. Or, if you work nights, maybe you wake up in the afternoon. You could really wake up at any point in the day.

And you do this pretty much every day of your life.

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Dave T's Pros and Cons of Stuff Everyone Has: Prejudices

Asians are bad drivers.

Asians are good at math.

All Italians are in the mob.

Italians are great lovers.

All Irish people are alcoholics.

Irish people are friends with leprechauns and know the whereabouts of various pots of gold around the world.

Ecuadorians can’t correctly use any word longer than five letters.

Lithuanian people explode if you hug them too forcefully.

If you tip back a Zimbabwean’s head, giant Pez comes out of his or her neck.

Robots don’t like the sound of running water.

Martians are obsessed with American boy bands, particularly 98 Degrees.

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